When the Reaper Comes Calling

Is This Real or am I Dreaming
It was around sunrise on March 7, 2007 when I woke up. I immediately knew something was wrong! I was struggling to breathe and I could not sit up. I was very confused and disoriented. It was all I could do to look down at myself and when I did, through the dim light of morning, I could not believe what I was seeing. My flat stomach looked like a puffed out beer belly; my chest heaved as I fought to breathe and I couldn't even see my feet. I began to panic but I knew I had to keep calm through the confusion, I felt like I was stuck in a nightmare.

My Little Hero
It was not long before my 10 year old daughter helped me to sit up. I knew I was in trouble. My daughter called my father and he rushed over to transport me to the ER. When I got to the ER I was immediately taken back into a room. The doctor came back and put my chest film up on the view box. I think I saw the problem before he did as I blurted out, "Look at my heart, it is enlarged!" Disbelief sat in quickly. The confusion was now disappearing. I knew I was in trouble and that my heart was failing. All I could think at that moment was I can't believe this. How in the hell could this be happening to me?

The Reaper Draws Nearer
Over the next several hours every attempt was made to save my life with medicine. My body was pumped full of diuretics and blood thinners. Drugs were administered to try and regulate my heart beat. It didn't work.
It was at this time the cardiologist came in to talk to me. His words were sobering to say the least. He told me very frankly that they couldn't get me out of vfib and that my heart failure was progressing and that he felt I would be dead in approximately 6 hours. He felt that, barring a miracle, I had one chance. He wanted to stop my heart with medication and then try to shock me back into rhythm. The crazy thing is that while this guy is basically telling me that he wants to kill me and then try to bring me back to life, I'm totally distracted by something else. Something totally unexplainable.

GOD Speaks
Okay, I never actually heard a voice but while the doctor is trying to explain this horror to me, I have this experience. I felt as though someone said, "Son, I'm going to show you what is killing you. Either you change it or you don't. If you choose not to, don't you ever blame me again." All the anxiety, confusion, disbelief and anger were lost in that very surreal moment. Without hesitation I agreed to the procedure.

The Reaper Moves In For The Kill
The stage is set. My chest is still heaving but I can see my feet again thanks to the diuretics. I lay alone on the metal table with the doctor and two nurses by my side. I only think of two people. My only fear is for my daughter. I don't want her to grow up without her father. I don't ask God why. Instead I ask him to show me. The medicine, deaths tonic, is now mixing with my blood. I feel myself slipping away. My eyes close peacefully. That is the last thing I remember about that life. The moment I die.